His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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