my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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