Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
