I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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