When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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