I just pynch a tree in the face
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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