Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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