i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
