what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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