Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
