I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
