toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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