why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
