I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
