She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
