I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
