True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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