We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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