I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
