Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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