and you said cock pushups were impossible
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Panties = found
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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