Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
