Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
