I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize