glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
