How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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