I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
