peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
