My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
