even my farts smell like vagina
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My feet surprised me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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