I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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