she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
