he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize