Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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