Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
