I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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