I just saw a hot homeless man
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
