My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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