Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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