i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
