Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She even gives head with a lisp.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
