he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
