Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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