I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
