Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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