Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
