how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
