Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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