I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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