I heard we made out
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
