i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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