GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
