two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
