3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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