Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
