Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
