Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
