we have officially lost it.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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