normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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