I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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