Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
