He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
