I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
