So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
In other news, I just burned my penis
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
