Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
as a side note pls kill me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
