We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
