You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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