i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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