Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we're making bets on your personal life
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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