I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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