but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
