I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
