you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
