and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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