Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
