Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
