watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
