My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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