I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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