drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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