I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
