We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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