Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
