come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
