When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
